4. Process of My Marriage
Chunna’s marriage was fixed by her Khala Amman with the son of her devar.
The boy was studying in B.A. The preparations for the wedding were on. Amman
was a little concerned as my contemporaries were one by one getting married. A
few proposals had come for me as well but Bhaiya did not approve them. Those
days Quasim Mamoo’s son was in the Second Year of medical college and at times
used to come to meet Bhaiya. But he did not come inside the house.
Bhaiya used to treat him like a younger brother. One day he came to borrow a
suit from Bhaiya for attending an interview. Bhaiya had a hearty laugh as he
was clearly much taller than him. Still Bhaiya gave him the suit to wear. Later
when Bhaiya came inside, he told Amman that he liked Hashim as a boy as he was
gentle and sober, and sought Amman’s approval for a formal offer to be sent to
Quasim Mamoo. Amman too immediately liked the alliance. Not only the boy was
eligible in every respect, but was also belonged to her own family as Quasim
Saheb was her cousin.
Amman gave her approval. The proposal was sent through Wazir Mamoon who
must have passed it on to Quasim Mamoon over the game of cards. He might also
have told it directly to Hashim Mian. The response was "He is still in the
third year of medical college; so what’s the hurry?". On the occasion of
Baqreed, he came to visit us. Bhaiya and Bhabhi had gone elsewhere. Amman
called him upstairs. I offered him salaam and sat next to Amman with
respectfully. Amman asked him to have the “Grill” which she used to fry herself
always, on this occasion. So she left us there and went inside the kitchen. We
sat there in silence and I was feeling very shy.
At Musallahpur, wedding of Naumaan Bhai’s younger brother Suleman Bhai was
expected and we went there to attend. There was no lady in the house as his
wife had passed away. So Naumaan Bhai requested his cousin (sis) for the
arrangements involving the ladies department. Naumaan Bhai personally selected
and purchased the clothes from Delhi. Everything was of the finest quality
available at that time. A saree was studded with gems and also had matching
jewelry. The Bari from the boys’ side was of twenty-one pairs and the ceremony
was held with much fanfare. When the bride arrived she was a perfect example of
beauty. I had heard about her charms. She was the sister of Aziz Ashraf.
It happened one of those days that I was at Phuphi Amman’s place when
Chhunna came running to tell me that Asma Bajee was calling for me urgently.
When I reached there, from the window, all the females were trying
to peek in. When I came to the window, I saw a fair well dressed handsome man
sitting there. I couldn’t understand anything and therefore asked who was he?
Everyone laughed at my question and then I was told that he is my fiancé. I ran
away from there till I reached Phuphi’s place. On the way I was thinking that
for a guy who is himself so good looking, how much importance will be given to
me. It was later disclosed to me that he was the bother-in-law of Naumaan Bhai
and his name is Akbar. He was endowed with a large Zamindari. This land
lordship was never liked by me as since my childhood days I have been
witnessing the evils of this system. Still within eight days the alliance was
formally fixed. I somehow didn’t feel the thrill at all.
So we all came back home along with Chhunna. Amman called for Quasim
Mamoon to tell him about the engagement. She told him as the sasural
is in the rural area, the jahez will have to be accordingly selected. If
someone was selling the silver articles, she was willing to buy them. Quasim
Mamoon had some clue of Saddan of Khusroopur was to dispose the silver utensils
which he promised he will arrange for her. And then he left. My guess is that
he must have told after reaching home that he liked me and wanted me to be his
daughter-in-law. Incomplete studies of Hashim came in the way else he must have
asked for my hand. These words must have spread like wild fire. Eventually it
reached Hashim Saheb. He was caught unawares. He now rushed to Wazir Mamoon and
expressed his desire for my hand. Wazir Mamoon explained that the engagement
has been fixed with someone else, after it was first offered to you and after
you expressed your inability. Now the words have been given to someone else. Hashim
Saheb insisted that Wazir Mamoon should meet Amman and convey to her that he
was now agreeable for the marriage and that his studies could continue after
even later. The same message he got conveyed to his father too.
Now Amman refused to budge. She said that a gentleman’s word was a
commitment and she now didn’t have the option to go back from her word of
honor. A couple of days later Quasim Mamoon came along with Wazir Mamoon and
met Bhaiya and persuaded him for his intervention. This took Bhaiya to go and
meet Phuphi Amman. He could convince Phuphi that Hashim was most suitable,
belongs to the same family and we all are fond of him. She was farsighted lady
and was very influential over all members of the family. No one had the guts to
ignore her views. The next day, she came to Amman and a closed door meeting was
held between them supported by Bhaiyya and Bhabhi. Amman finally saw through
it. Phuphi Amman then announced that it was she who had fixed this marriage
with Akbar and therefore only she could revoke it. As Phuphi Amma went back
home, she called Naumaan Bhai and announced her decision for revoking my
alliance with Akbar. She said I had fixed it and I break it. Naumaan Bhai
couldn’t gather courage to ask the reason or anything else and went back in
silence. The next day, from Musallahpur, half a dozen maids and
others came to our house in protest. I was hidden inside. These people did
create a scene. The boy was said to be humiliated as the date of the wedding
was also fixed and the traditional bride’s ring for the nose was also readied.
Amman told them to go to Phuphi Amman for whatever they wanted because she is
the final decision maker. Now who had the guts to question Phuphi Amman?
As destiny could have it, Akbar Saheb was later married to Masooma
daughter of Shareef Saheb and within a year he died of a fatal disease. A
couple of months thereafter, the wife Masooma also passed away due to the same
disease.
* * * * *
MY WEDDING AND THE GOLDEN DAYS AFTER
Within a short period my Nikah with Hashim Saheb was held in an austere
function at Dhawalpura. Maulana Nizamuddin Babu of Phulwarisharif conducted the
nikah. From the in-laws side, came a "nath" (nose ring) and some
Nuqul (sweets) in a handkerchief. The belief was that Nikah is the real
marriage. I wore red Banarsi Saree and all the ornaments received from Amman
added with garland of flowers. It was exactly like a bride. Everyone started
teasing me that where is the groom of the bride. I had started to enjoy all
this. I had wished for a doctor groom.
After the Nikah, Doctor Saheb often used to come to meet Bhaiya, but he
was never let inside. Once in the month of Ramzaan, Bhaiya invited him
exclusively for the Aftaar party followed by dinner. I had come to know of it
in advance. While the rest of the people were busy in the preparations and
cooking, I sat by the window. Just before the Aftaar time, I saw him coming. He
was wearing Sherwani and flared Pajamas. And I closed the window out of modesty.
Though I had seen him a few times earlier, it was the first time I saw him in
the form of my virtual god. After the Aftaar was over, I was back to the window
to take a glimpse of his departure. What I saw was that he was roaming up and
down the lane smoking a cigarette. So while he looked like quite timid, had
some flamboyant habits. After it was all over for the day, Amman issued the
diktat not to invite him again till his final coming with the baraat for the
wedding.
For some reason or the other, the tentative date for the marriage, kept
shifting further. In the meanwhile his Nana in Sadargali expired. Finally when
he got into a desperate situation, he conveyed to his Abba through others that
in the fourth year he has to go to Kanke for training and its appropriate time
to have the ruqsati done now. 27th April 1939 was eventually
fixed for this purpose. At our place the preparations were on since long. A
thousand rupees was sent for the clothes of the groom. A suitcase came with two
suits and a sherwani. It also had a pen set, a wrist watch, handkerchief,
tie-pin, towel, and a sleeping suit. The purpose of my detailed description is
for the purpose that you can compare that era with the contemporary times.
After my nikah, All India Muslim conference was held in Patna that was
attended by Mohammad Ali Jinnah, Jawahar Lal Nehru, Shaukat Ali, Mohammad Ali
etc. These events were like laying the foundation stones independence of the
Nation. Large scale preparations were on the card. Bhaiyya send us to attend the
conference as audience. From Khaje-Kalan, Mannu Mamoon had also come with his
very pretty and naughty daughter Zahra along with her nanny. She was born after
five sons and hence was a pampered one. The gathering for men and women there
was properly partitioned. In the afternoon, the news arrived that my in-laws
from Dhawalpura were coming. The crucial issue cropped up where to hide me as
it was not considered very decent for an engaged girl to go in a public
meeting. I wasn’t interested in the speeches and just wanted to take a glimpse
of the celebrities. Bhiyya’s car was there so Amman had to rush back home with
me. I wished I could see him for a while as he had also come.
The date for the wedding was fixed and the invitation cards were distributed.
A new chapter of my life was about to begin. Writing about it
requires immense courage on my part. I pray to God to give me strength to
enable me to complete the task.
Dhhondhte ho jise ab nahi who yahan
Aadmi uth gaye rah gayee
daastaan.
Maanjha and various other conventional rituals held prior to the wedding,
day were all completed with much fanfare. I was difficult for me to
gauge what sort of life was ahead for me to face. Menhdi and ubtan was applied.
The water for my bath was brought by seven happily married females and I was
given bath. All this consumed the entire day and it was evening by now. And
then the cacophony was heard that baraat has come. The baraat was accommodated
in a school building nearby. The Samdhins arrived. The main functions were to
be held on the first floor. It was quite hot in the month of April. Sabra Khala
was from my side. I was not aware who all had come as samdhans but sure his
three younger sisters were not to come even for such a momentous occasion as
they were still unmarried; despite the fact that Amman was their Phuphi as
well. Sayeeda (his first cousin) had to throw fits to get inside the carriage.
She came to my room and repeated the entire episode of how she managed to get
in. I had my eyes and tongue closed.
The wedding dress was the same traditional one of green satin block
printed pajama and red kurta with matching color printed dopatta. Paraphernalia
was elaborate.. Sabra Khala opened up the cover from my head for brushing the
hair which was the envy of my contemporaries for being long, black and lush.
The singing of geet was an inseparable part of every such ritual. Finally the
wedding dress was put on. From my sasuraal, four suhaag perfumes had come which
was sprinkled not only on the clothes but also on the ear, nose shoulders, till
it was finished off.
Now was the turn of jewelry box. For the decoration, my hands were the
first to be taken up. There was already Shahaana Bangles in my hands which the
churi wali had put on the wrist during the day. She was given a pair of clothes
with the token of rice and gur together with Rupees one and a quarter. Over and
above the shahaana bangles, the entire arm was covered with
different varieties of ornaments. Each of the fingers had rings of different
kind. Later when I calculated, it was 35 Bhari gold in all. Next came the turn
of the neck. What followed was jugnu-haraiya, mala necklace, and
gulab haar and a glu-band near the throat. The ears were decorated with 6
inches long bijli, a machli underneath it which was heavy like a log. (later I
split it into three decent size earrings. I had got a piercing done on the
upper lobe of the ear too which was subjected to my Nani’s heavy baalis. The
piercing must have got blocked over the time and it started to bleed which was
wiped away with a hanky. The kamar-zeb was fairly heavy too. For the feet,
silver kada was there of approximately one kilogram each. Altogether, I guess
the weight of the golden metal was close to a Mon (now 25 KG). Even if the
bride wanted to run away, the sheer weight would not let her. As walking was
nearly impossible, a hefty maid was called just for the purpose of lifting the
bride in her arms like a child is carried.
All decked up and dressed, I was made to sit like an idol. They started
calling Bhaiya so that he tied the sehra made of flowers on my forehead.
Someone reminded that the bride has not eaten anything. Something was brought
for me to bite. The hands were so heavy with all the ornaments that it was
impossible to lift them to the mouth. The huge nose ring "“nath”" was
all the time coming in the way of the mouth. It was bad omen to remove it for
the time being. Someone held the nath lifted and I gulped a little maqooti and
mitha-tukra (sweet bread) and had had some water. At 1 O’clock, after the meal,
Bhaiya came over. He recited Surahs of Quran three times before putting the
sehra on the forehead. He got very emotional after that and started
weeping. I was all blind with the coverings on the eyes. The mind
was also not working normal and was virtually in a state of trance
and vegetation.
At around three I heard the groom was to come now. Under the canopy was
the arrangement for him to be seated.. Gulshan, the hefty maid lifted me to
take me there. My entire body was like frozen and the mind was in a state of
suspended animation. I was placed next to him. I had no idea of what sort of
rituals were going on there. Then a sheet of cloth was pulled over for us to
see each other in the mirror. I don’t even remember if I saw anything if at all
but he adjusted the mirror with his hands to take a good view of my face, which
became a matter of joke for the ladies surrounding us. The professional female
geet singers (miryasins) had come. Their throats were blaring away to glory to
add to the cacophony. The covering over the face was now removed for the lady
guests to see the dulhan face to face. Salaami was given to the Dulha. All
sorts of young girls emerged from nowhere, claiming to be salees to play ubtan
ball with the groom. Bari Phuphi howled for stopping the play of
girls declaring that it was past 3 O’clock in the night and the couple deserved
some rest before the next day begins. Bhabhi was teasing me all the while.
Eventually, we were left on our own and the doors were closed. He removed his
own decorative dressing layers, took out a cigarette, lighted it and coolly sat
on the bed. My heartbeat was almost audible to me. He sat next to me and lifted
the dopatta from my face and said
“ with your permission I would like to light up a cigarette as
I am deprived of it since noon”. I had no response to offer. He was already
puffing it.
He smoked there and said a few words in my praise. My apprehensions now
subsided to a large extent. Soon it was morning. The door was being knocked and
banged as if it will break open. It was Amnu Aapa. I was lifted again by
Gulshan and brought out for freshening up. During the entire
ceremony, the thing I did not like at all was that the bride was moved in the
lap by another person despite being hale and hearty.
When it came to the wedding of my own daughters, I did away with a lot of
unpleasant and unwanted rituals and some of them are bride being
lifted in the “godi”, putting sindoor in the head and confine the
girl for four days in Manjha.
While he moved out of the ladies section, I took some rest for a while. I
had my breakfast in the room itself and it was mid-day by now. He
was brought in again. I was once again decked up for the ruqsati.
The ladies tied Imaam Zamin around my arm. As the Rukhsati process was started
followed by the melancholic geets specially crafted for the
occasion, It became difficult for anyone to control the tears. And
weeping / crying could hardly be controlled. Bhaiya went out of control. My
eyes were closed. I could not see Amman but I guess she didn’t even come close
to me that juncture. The car was waiting. The groom sat there on the front sear
like a conqueror. In between the front and the rear seats, purdah
was pulled to segregate the compartments. I sat behind with Quran Sharif in one
hand and jewelry box in the other. The sun had set.
Midway to Dhawalpura, my crying eventually ceased. Past
maghrib, we reached Dhawalpura. The females were cluttered at the
entrance to greet me. Amnu Aapa was the leading the side. There was a grave of
some Sufi right at the entrance gate and we both were asked to recite surahs
from Quran there (Fatiha) and pray. That was the tradition there for any new
entrant. As if in trance, I wasn’t able to recite anything – just kept
standing like a statue. Later I asked him if he had
offered Namaaz of thanks- giving at the first night, as he was
directed by his Amman. He laughed at my question and said “if such a pretty
bride in a red dress is sitting there, who can remember the Namaaz”.
Passing through three gates at different stages, finally I reach the
zanaan-khana ( the ladies section) Some Kheer was made which he had to spoon
feed me. First the face was shown. Whatever little could go down my sealed
closed lips, was treated as my share of the Kheer. Whatever remained left in
that large bowl, he had it all for himself, much to the merriment of the
females around. This ritual is said to beget love. For having the kheer, money
was given to me from my sasuraal. Sitting there was my Naani Amman who
was Doctor Sahebs” daadi there.
Finally I was moved to my room. It had 7 doors without any window or
ventilator. It had a large red colored hand-moved fan hanging from the ceiling
which I had never seen before. A smaller ante-room was occupied by the 4 lady
body-guards who were sent along with me. Thank heavens, Jamila Bua then removed
most of the heavy ornaments I was wearing and put them in the cupboard. It was
a much sought after relief and I was asked to take some rest. Instantly I fell
fast asleep.
Then came the day of the reception. I was to be given a bath. Early in the
evening, I was shifted where Nani Amman used to stay. Hair was combed with all
sorts of decorations. It was like being punished. Even attractive faces were
made to look quite funny with the put-ons. Exclusive reception dress, which had
gone from my sasural was to be worn. The entire set of jewelry was loaded on me
all over again added with the ornaments that were received from my sasural. Out
of the jewelry form sasural was a real gem necklace and the other was “nausha
haar” which was getting passed on for generations to the eldest daughter in
law. I have passed it on to mine with the direction that she should give it to
her daughter in-law and so on.
As I was sitting there thoroughly decorated, every guest had some comment
or the other to offer. My eyes remained closed but now the voices were audible.
Some of them would check my hands while others would take stock of my neck.
Comments were not confined to abundance of jewelry and the beauty of the bride.
When it was dark, I was waiting for Bhabhi, Chunna and others to come for the
reception function. After a long wait I was told only the men folk had come.
There were not too many women in my maika. When even they didn’t come, that was
lamentable. The traditions were overstretched at times.
The traditional “Chaal” walking ritual was performed when the groom is
made to sit and the bride is made to walk through a distance towards him
supported on both sides by close relatives. The walking is done at snail’s
pace. Two oil torches are held on both sides. In the peak of summer, with heavy
sari and ornaments, inside a guest- packed room, the heat of the lighted oil
torches – it all gave me a feeling as if I was getting melted. The bride is
said to be dumb but what was intriguing that the boy covered with heavy
sherwani and the flower sehra and other tit-bits, was just gazing at the face
of the dulhan. I never considered this chaal walking ritual a big deal – as for
the rest of his life, he sees her on her walking on her feet only.
I forgot to mention, when I was brought for the rasm, the relatives from
sasural gave away salaami. Nani Amman gave fifty rupees. Shamsa Khala gave
earring, Amnu Aapa gave me a ring and Masooma Aapa gave a real emerald studded
ring. Mumani Amman of Sadargali gave a beauty-box covered with red velvet. I
was not even aware if during all these happenings the three sisters of Doctor
Saheb were present there or not.
Next morning, as usual, after getting dressed, I was made to sit with
Naani Amman. All the gents of the family were then invited to see me. That
included Dulha Bhai (his eldest b’in-law) Nazim (younger brother) Mamoon Abba
and Majju Bhai etc. Amnu Aapa was conducting most of the shows.
His eldest sister had passed away
earlier. Still a lot of people had come from her sasural Khusrupur
Nawadah. Dulha- Bhai’s Amman was own Khala of my MIL. When Dulha
Bhai was just 18 he was married to Zubaida Baji 16, the eldest sister, who
passed away leaving behind three children. Dulha Bhai was elder to Doctor
Saheb. His Abba tried to provide him education but he never had much flare to
that. And interested more in body building and wrestling.
Doctor Saheb (right) and his brother-in-law Dulha Bhai.
The brother-in-laws, who were first cousin as well, always remained more
like friends. When he saw me he appreciated with a “Subhaan Allah” and gave a
wrist watch as the gift for the occasion. Mamoon Abba’s present was a delicate
ice cream set wrapped in red velvet box. Later on, there was total confusion regarding
the plans of my departure from sasural. One version was that my MIL was not
feeling well and hence was not able to then perform the allied the rituals and
formalities. Mamoon Abba on the other hand, was adamant that as he had called
Ali for it, so it had to be done today itself. This resulted in
a situation of high domestic tension. As a direct aftermath of this
confusion was that eventually when I finally left that day, no sweets went
along and no ornament was given for the “munh-dikhai”. Mumani Amman was not
keeping well those days. The exertions of the marriage had aggravated the
condition. For getting me back Bhaiya had come with sweets and fruits. I was
once again loaded with all the ornaments that I had got, clothes and the sehra.
But now I could walk myself as now it was permitted because the previous day
walking ceremony was already over. It was an exciting moment for me to go to
the maika where Amman and Bhabhi was.
We reached Behari Lane by night. After the hustle bustle of so many
days earlier, the same house had a rather deserted
look. Inside, Bhabhi was waiting. She caught my hands and hugged
tightly and we both wept for a while. Went to the first floor and met Amman
with salaam and a hug. A lantern was alight in the courtyard. As against a
crowded sasural at Dhawalpura, there were just two souls around namely Amman
and Bhabhi. It was revealed that at Musallahpur, small pox had erupted that’s
why yesterday no one had gone for the reception nor had anyone come to our
house today.
Doctor Saheb was again asked to spoon feed me some kheer and
the remaining was for his consumption. Amman gave him some money for the kheer
feeding. I felt more comfortable in my familiar surrounding. Most of my extra
ornaments were now packed up and that was some relief. My room was rather small
and it was summer at its peak. By this time, I had become a bit informal with
him and had started talking to him.
In the morning formal dress was
again put on me as guests were expected. Everyone who came was keen to know
what all has come from the sasural. So everything was once again put on
display. In this phase, he had to stay here for 10 days as it was called
“dassahra”. In the same fashion as 4 maids were sent along with me, along with
the Dulha, Badlu Mian had come from Dhawalpura. After five days, Mamoon Abba
visited us along with Asim.
He himself sat with Amman and Asim
was sent to my room. He had come here earlier too with his Abba but had not
come inside. He was nice and cute. I was also feeling a bit shy before him and
he too didn’t talk much. The news came with him that in Sadargali Mumani
Amman’s younger sister was getting married a day after and we were asked to go
there for a day. How could now anyone have any objections as I was now married
and conceptually I now belonged to my sasural. Next day after lunch, in a real
heavy saree and lots of make-up and hairdo, I reached sasural again a fittin. I
sat on the rear seat with Gulshan Bua (who used to carry me for ceremonies)
with purdah covering this portion. He sat on the front seat holding sweet
packets. I was well received when I arrived there. His Mumani Amman was a
jovial person. When he came to met her, she quipped “ hey! look at this boy he
is looking so fair! Must have stolen it from his wife.”
(Mumani Amman –MIL, & her brother’s family – daughter Asma & her husband Hussain Shah)
On my arrival there, my eyes were still supposed to remain closed. There
used to be a separate formal eye opening ceremony those days. I had on my two
sides, Sayeeda the naughty one and Hussain and both kept pinching me from both
sides. That was some way of joking with the Bhabhi. When I opened my eyes I saw
poor Asim gazing at me. He and Hussain were the same age but Hussain was
mischievous whereas Asim was sober.
In the wedding that followed in Sadargali at Mamoo Abba’s house, the Bari
arrived followed by the Dulha. When the Dulhan was ready, I was also taken
there to see her. After the dinner, Mumani Amman let me sleep in her
own room. In the morning after dressing up, my eye opening ceremony was
performed. I saw the people around and saw the house and virtually saw a new
world. My MIL gave me a diamond nose stud. The massive Nath was replaced with
this decent and comfortable piece. I felt like liberated as much as I felt comfortable
now. The mischievous brother and sister (Hussain and Sayeeda – they were his
Mumani’s children) kept pestering me off and on. Asim just used to keep looking
at me. After the Rukhsati of the bride, with the permission of his Amman he
called for a fittin. I walked on my own feet to the fittin and before lunch
time we could reach Amman’s house.
After ten days of Dassahra, we had to go back. Someone had come from
Dhawalpura with sweets to get us. In the courtyard there, I was seated by Nani
Amman. Maids were asked to arrange my goods in a room on the first floor. There
was only one large room upstairs which was given to us. When we reached the
first floor Mumani Amman was inside her own room and was taken there
first and said Salaam. . With open eyes I saw her and the three
sisters for the first time after the wedding. On this occasion, it was they who
were feeling nervous and shy more than me. After a while he came in the room
holding Asim’s hand and introduced “ meet him, he is Maulvi Asim
Saheb. Poor boy got even more nervous. I instantly got a liking for him.
He had his meals outside and I had it inside my room. I guess
it was awkward for him to come in the room on his own. Gulshan who had come
with me went and called him inside. He was curious to know how I felt in the
new environment. I was told for a few days he was to go to Kanke (Ranchi) as a
curriculum of medical studies to the mental hospital there. During these days,
the way he treated me, I considered my self among the fortunate ones. As if without
me he was not complete. He elevated me from the ground level to the highest
pedestal. I remain grateful to God for having given me what I had wished for.
He was quite a poet too and hence romanticism came to him naturally. He recited
the poems he had composed during his early days and after the wedding he wrote
a poem “Nau-Uroos”
Kis tarah
pahli Shabe uroos aankh khol kar muskurati hai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter
INDEX.